With Sprinkles on Top

Several nights ago, our sweet 3 year old said something that reached into the depths of my soul. We had just gotten out of the shower and into our pajamas to join our neighborhood kids on the search for fireflies. Soaking in the summer night and the chatter of who was "it" in the next round of hide-and-seek, her big blue eyes looked up towards the night sky....she spoke in genuine awe, "look at all the sprinkles". It took me a moment before putting my hands to my chest, and with a knot in my throat from holding back tears, I asked, "the stars?" Her blonde hair glimmered in the evening lights as she nodded with pure excitement, "yes, mama. The sprinkles". From that moment, I knew I'd never be able to call them stars again. It was also in that moment, I realized that in the middle of all the noise in the world, there is beauty in the chaos.

Most the time, I describe my life as beautiful chaos. For some of my close friends or hometown neighbors reading this, they've seen me fail and rise in the midst of the chaos. Those who have recently met me.....well, welcome to a glimpse of some of my hard lessons learned. I have failed. Many times. I have failed at a marriage, I failed at a business. I have failed at friendships.I have failed at maintaining my wellness. I have even failed something as minor as a college course. I have failed at many attempted hobbies. BUT with those failures, I learned that there is beauty in the chaos. I learned lessons through these failures. I learned how to love myself so I could love others. I learned that what seems like a curse in the moment, ends up being the biggest blessing. I learned that failing is better than living with the fear of regret.

It wasn't easy. When my situations got tough, it made me stronger. I've been a teen mom, I've been a college student raising kids, I've been a single mom who had to swallow her pride and ask for help. I've been in the hospital near death (twice!). I've been a business owner juggling a new marriage,kids, and an additional career, I've been at rock bottom and I've been at the peak of the mountain.......trust me when I say, "Been there, Done that". My successes trump my failures and my failures don't define me.

In that moment on the porch, all I could think of was the sweetness and simplicity of childlike wonder over something ,we as adults, take for granted every evening. However, as the days have went on, I can't stop finding sprinkles everywhere around me. It's hard to let the noise and negativity consume you when the world is topped with sprinkles.